How Motherhood Has Changed Us
Becoming a mother brings about a lot of change; some you can prepare for, but there is a good amount of changes you can't. I think it's definitely different for everyone and a person can only speak on their own experiences when it comes to the changes we are talking about.
I'm not talking about the body changes, the schedule changes, or the "mom is going to be completely ignored because there is now a new baby" type changes either. I'm talking about the complete morphing into a new person type changes. Things that you thought were one way in your mind and are completely something different now...Yeah those.
They are hard to explain, but Delaya and I took the time to truly reflect on how motherhood has changed us and we would like to share all those ways with you BABS.
Reflecting on how motherhood has changed me, what instantly comes to mind is the fact that I am way more emotional than I ever have been in life.
Crazy thing is, most of these lump in the throat moments have nothing to do with Jayla. Before I had Jayla, I never cried. People may have even described me as a person of stone. I didn't have that emotion where you love someone so much it made you cry, or you hear a sad story and it made you cry, or you hear about something inspirational and it made you cry.
Now, if I see an inspirational story, hear a sad one, or catch myself in one of those really grateful for life and its happenings, I cry, or at least get that lump in my throat. It's so weird!! I don't like it one bit and will tell people all the time "I'm so much more emotional now that I've had a child." Balls.
I already confessed how I was an impatient mother (if you haven't read that post, you can read it here), but with these emotions comes anxiety. I am a more stressed-borderline-always going to hyper ventilate-anxious person. I worry all the time that I suck as a mother. And it is genuine. It ain't post-partum (though I was close to it) because my kid is almost three years old, but I have anxiety. I've never doubted myself and now that I have offspring, I doubt every decision I make regarding her…in my head at least.
Switching gears from all the emotion, I am a more social person. Being stuck in the house with a newborn forced me to go out and make genuine relationships with people. I laugh more than ever and do not take life so seriously. It’s refreshing to come to a terrible situation and not freak out like I use to. But instead I can evaluate and go to plan B (before motherhood, there was never an option for plan B).
Motherhood has required me to look deeper at my values and actions since I want to lead by example. Anything that hasn’t aligned with that, I have gotten rid of. It is like a declutter of my life and those that know me personally know how much I love to declutter. Lastly, I have entered my true bosshood and love for myself. Why? Because I want to be a powerful example to my daughter. It starts at home.
I’ve been a mother for a little over a year now and there’s no doubt in my mind that it has changed me. Even in this very short period of time.
Before giving birth, I had a freedom that I didn’t really know existed. Yes, I could come and go as I pleased without needing to lug around extra weight or find a sitter, but I’m talking deeper than that.
Love and I moved in together after I graduated college; it was my first step into independent adulthood after living with my mom while going to school. We’ve been living together for about four years now, three years prior to the baby.
Writing this, I don’t know if it’s a sad thing or not but I started my side hustle vibes at that same time. Well I thought I did.
I’ve always known that I’ve wanted my own clothing line, so while that was and still is the overall goal, the route I was taking to get there was a bit all over the place. Being a person who lacked a lot of confidence and hated not knowing what the future actually held, I found myself questioning everything, often. I’d constantly be trying to “find myself” and find the write answer while half stepping in my side hustle thing.
At that time, there was no need, no urgency, and no specific reason to change anything I was doing. Well, to be successful there actually was, but that’s not how I saw it at the time. From those years, I gained some good life lessons but that’s about it.
Fast forward to now, with motherhood in my deck of cards, the game has changed.
With her here, I move with intent. No matter in what. Just about everything I do or don’t do has a reason.
After entering motherhood, my level of self-confidence has changed but not in the way you may think. I’m not out here thinking I’m the best or singing my praises to the masses. I still see and acknowledge my problem areas (physically and mentally) but the difference now is, I just don’t care. I don’t have time to care.
I mean, I’m lucky if I can get regular showers for a week straight so no, I don’t care about my pregnancy pooch just chillin’ or the ½ inch long leg hair that I’ve been growing all month. When you have a kid, you feel the #sorrynotsorry vibes a whole lot more.
Beyond that, I’ve become a lot more focused and determined.
In the perfect situation, I’ll be able to work from my own office, choose my own hours and spend more time with the kid than I do now. I’ll have more choices and freedoms and happiness along with a comfortable living. That’s what I’m working for. That’s what I’m side hustling for.
Where before it was fine for me to take my time, it’s not now. Not if I want to live the life that I envision. Instead of going down a winding road, why not be more efficient and take the straight path? That’s my logic now.
As cliché as it is, motherhood has changed me for the better and I kind of want to cringe when I say that but it’s true.
I look at her and I’m so much more hopeful than I was before having her. Right now, there are endless possibilities for her and I feel the same for me too.
At the end of the day, everyone's motherhood is experience is different but I'd be willing to bet that motherhood has changed all moms, for the better or for the worse. Some changes can be heartfelt like an increased emotional response or as beautiful as accepting yourself for who you are. No matter what it is, accept it. Accept these changes, learn from them and grow from them for the better.
Since we've shared our corniness, it's your turn. How has motherhood changed you? Has it made you stronger? More patient? A boss? Let us know in the comments below.