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3 Tips to Fighting Fair in Your Relationship

3 Tips to Fighting Fair in Your Relationship

Julia - Relationships are not always flowers, bunnies, and rainbows. They can be a lot of work. I mean two different personalities coming together are bound to clash from time to time.

In every relationship, the good must out way the bad, otherwise there is no point in staying in it. And in these bad times, fighting fair is the only way to go.
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Delaya - Fighting fair is the only way to handle your relationship like adults.  Yes, being petty can be fun and entertaining but it's not the way to go if you actually want to solve something.

Julia - I can attest to the marriage portion of a relationship. I love being married. It's great to always have someone by your side. Someone you know is there for you no matter what and that you trust 100%. A person you chose for life and are starting a family with and are building a future with is to say the least, great. But I'd be lying if I said we never disagree or if sometimes I really yearn for my alone time. 

I'm actually pretty blessed. Hubby and I barely argue and I like it that way. A little arguing never hurt anybody, but one argument can cause a relationship to crumble to pieces depending on what is said. That's why when disagreements do arise, it is important that you remember some rules on fighting fair.

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3 Tips to Fighting Fair in Your Relationship

1. Don't say things you can't take back

Julia - Apologies are great and all, but once the words are out there, they're out there. Even if something is said that you didn't mean, it really doesn't matter. Saying things purposely to hurt someone else is never the way to go in a relationship. Even if your partner accepts an apology after hearing some damaging stuff from you, it will always sit in the back of their mind. Remember, "sticks and stones can break your bones, and words can hurt you too." (Sesame Street quote). Instead of getting to this high level point of anger, ask if the conversation can be tabled for later when you (and your partner too) have calmed down a little. It's better to chill out and think a bit before something terrible and ruining is said.

"Sticks and stones can break your bones, and words can hurt you too."  -Sesame Street

Delaya - Love and I have been together almost 8 years now and I can still remember some of the hurtful things he said to me in our first arguments.  A couple of thing's that were said may have been intentional to get that extra zing in but most of it was because he didn't know how to argue with me.

He didn't know that I was super sensitive and insecure about things and that it was easy for me to hold onto the negative.  Because of that, there's parts of arguments that still replay in my head, even though it's issue is dead and gone.

so becareful what you say because you really have no idea how damaging or long lasting the effect can be.

2. Hear your partner. 

Delaya - Listening is one thing but actually hearing your partner is another.  -click to tweet

An argument goes down for a specific reason: someone is unhappy with something and someone needs their needs to be met by their other half.  The other half has a responsibility to hear what that need is, to understand where the current issue comes from (which is the key), and from there, work together on coming up with a solution.

It doesn't matter if the issue is minor in your eyes.  It can be monumental to them and you should treat it as such. 

Validate your partners views and help them feel like their needs are important to you and that they can trust you to build on bettering the relationship together. 

3. Don't bring up the past.

Julia - If you have forgiven it and moved on, bringing up the past is definitely not fighting fair. People should not be persecuted for things that were done and said in the past especially if they are under the impression that you have moved on. Bringing up past things signals that you have no trust and don't know how to let things go. It can also make the person feel ashamed and that they cannot trust you with their feelings or secrets because then you will just bring it up whenever you are angry. All of that is a recipe for disaster. If you feel the need to bring up the past, then maybe you aren't ready to move on in your relationship. Instead of having a history lesson, learn to bite your tounge. 

Delaya - Arguments happen in healthy relationships and they're completely okay.  What matters is how you handle them.  You should fight fair, not petty.   Watching what you say, hearing your partner and not bringing up the past aren't all the ways to fight fair but they're a good start.

If you know of any other tips that will help our Besties fight fair, leave them in the comments below.

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