The Perfect Wife Challenge Wrap Up
Last month Delaya and I presented a challenge called "The Perfect Wife". In this challenge we asked our husbands what they thought made the perfect wife and we put it to the test for 28 days (loophole because it was February lol). We encouraged you Besties to do the same and many of you did! But before you read what we have to say on passing or failing, you can catch the original post here to see what our husbands had to say
We got some interesting feedback from our men. The point of this challenge was to open up dialogue between you and your significant other. From our experience and for many of you, it did just that. In our relationships, we can become comfortable, forgetful, and lazy, on both ends. This helped us remember some things we had definitely forgotten. Be sure to catch our blog post on March 15th where we describe our perfect husband! And TRUST US! We do not expect our husbands to do anything with that information.
I expected to hear most of what my husband said made his perfect wife, but still, to hear it and agree to it was a whole different ball game. I completely failed at the sex portion. But to be honest, we both knew that. Hubby and I's schedules do not go together at the moment. Like AT ALL! He works full-time, I work part-time, have side hustles, and I am a full-time student. When he isn't home, 5-6 days a week not arriving til midnight or later, I am doing everything alone. Not gonna lie, it tires me out and I go to sleep. And I end up preferring sleep.
I aced all things domestic and food related. We started meal prepping healthy meals so there was always something ready to go in the fridge and I encouraged him to work out. I fell into the leggings trap a while back, but stepped up my clothes game which in fact made me feel good. I also seized the opportunity to put my hair up in a protective style so I'd always look put together without much effort (#loophole).
Doing this challenge made me realize I do fall short in some areas too. There are things I forgot or haven't noticed got put on the back burner. With all that I do as a mom and a wife, I put some of his needs off because I know he won't get too upset or will still always be there for me. And that is no bueno. The challenge also opened up dialogue between my husband and myself. We gained an understanding of each others needs and made a plan to focus in a little bit more. It helped us both express ourselves and no, neither of us expects the other to ever be perfect.
So how will I fix the problem? By letting some housework things go (it doesn't have to be spot clean every single moment of every single day) and staying up from time to time to greet him when he gets home (wink wink).
That’s my grade.
A straight 6.
Welp, “D’s” get degrees, right?!
Love’s full synopsis is sex was good for a week and then it went back to normal [and barely existent]. I cooked a little more than I did before and I fell off. Cleaning stayed the same. I wasn’t outgoing with his family when we got together to watch the Super Bowl. I didn’t touch or clean his shoes.
Well, I wasn’t planning on touching his shoes, so there’s that.
I thought I did alright. By no means was I perfect but I felt it was more than I did before the challenge.
The sex part is accurate. We were good and having fun but then female things happened and it was never really picked back up afterwards. I did get a little more comfortable with initiating the nights actions though.
With cooking, I think I did a damn good job! The first week I was great, the next few I stuttered a little bit but I did fall off completely in the last week. Just so you’re aware of my struggle, I had to make him lunch and dinner. Lunch has to be different than dinner and neither can be repeated after two days in a row. That means I’m cooking at least 6 things a week on top of an already crazy schedule.
As for cleaning, it was the most consistent I’ve ever been after having the baby. Before, it never failed that everything would just pile up on top of each other until our place was a massive destruction where I’d have to pass the baby off to someone so I could tame the beast. During the challenge, I actively spot cleaned something almost every night and it kept the mess to a minimum. I still passed the baby though because it made cleaning easier...and actually possible.
As for being outgoing… I don’t know how to do that. I have nothing to talk about. My life isn’t interesting and I’m not well versed in current events so I just sit there. I decide for you that anything I could possibly muster up to say (after getting through my social anxiety in the first place) has no value or merit in your life. This is why I sit there. This can't be fixed in month.
And again, I wasn’t touching his shoes. I’ve done that once and it took about 2 days to get through them and that was before having the child. I accept this loss with open arms.
So with everything said and done, I give myself a 7. The results may not have translated to Love and how he saw it happening but I know how hard it was for me to do any of this. I didn’t succeed with flying colors but I think I at least did an average job.
As for finding the balance...I have to find the balance. I honestly just have too much on my plate right now and need to "prioritize and deduct" things from my responsibility list. He actually told me that today.
I've tried to loop him in a bit more on my anxieties and thoughts and verbally reinforce that he is still a priority to me when I feel I coming up short.
He knows I'm a constant work in progress. I just want him to always know and feel that he's important to me and that what he wants matters to me. His happiness is all (almost all...) I want from him.
While doing our “best” to complete this challenge, we asked you to ask your partners who their “Perfect Wife” was. We received some great responses and will anonymously share some of them with you. These are the answers the men gave their partners:
Somebody who loves me for real, easy going, stress free, no drama, because that’s how she is. Someone who loves kids. Clean, someone who takes care of themselves. Cool, down to earth and gets along great [with him]. If she is pretty and has drama, I’m okay with not having her because I don’t want “pretty trouble.” And can cook.
Someone who greets me with a smile and leaves me with a smile. Loyal. Freaky. Feminine but capable. Guides me. Big heart.Faith. Happy-go-lucky but doesn’t take any s***. Someone who lets you be you.
The perfect woman will listen to understand, not react. Understands to be treated like a lady, she has to act like a lady. Is supportive. Understands a queen’s job is to protect the king. Understands a king’s job is to protect the queen. Is interdependent.
A woman who’s loving, caring and attentive. Someone who understands that he’s a man in all aspects of life and treats him as such. A person he can talk to about anything and not feel like they’ll use it against him later. Someone he trusts. Someone who he can be open with and doesn’t feel like he has to tell little white lies to. Someone who’s patient with him and is confident in knowing that he’s the best thing for them and only wants to be the best for them.
A strong beautiful woman who always knows what she wants in life and isn’t afraid to go after her dreams. She knows when and when not to complain. She supports me in everything I do and she’ll always be by my side and makes everything better, no matter what we’re going through.
Overall, this was a great experiment for us to try. It helped shed some light on problems we didn’t even know were there. While being “perfect” is no longer our goal (because yea, right), we will continue to be the best that we can.
If you haven't yet, we encourage you to at least ask your partner who their perfect wife (or husband) is. It may open your eyes to something you didn't know before or just simply forgot about.